


Back to You

by Sei_chan



Series: Sometimes I Remember Him [2]
Category: Fate/Apocrypha, Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-01 06:17:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17861924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sei_chan/pseuds/Sei_chan
Summary: It was only for a brief moment but when their eyes met he couldn't help but gasped at the emptiness in those beautiful eyes. Instead of the heavy beating of his heart, a lovely melody rings in his ears as if he was captivated by a melody long forgotten.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah...  
> I love this ship and there should be more of it.
> 
> Other than may bad grammar and awkward English, I regret nothing!

**CHAPTER 1:**

 

_ "That was a very sad yet soothing melody. A new composition perhaps?" he asked with curiosity.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ "It is and very sad indeed." he answered, his slender fingers sliding gently at the strings of his harp letting out a soft sound. "A song of the unrequited love of a man unable to profess his love."  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ He looked at him with a very sad expression but he only smiled at him in return.

 

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*   
  
The first time that they encountered each other was when they were both nothing more than children of a tender age of six.   
  
It was a cold, snowy night. A mother could be seen dragging his child through the street covered by the piling white snow, rushing to get home before either of them freeze from the dropping temperature.   
  
But the child had a different idea. Fumbling his arms up in the air as he tries to catch the falling snow in his hands, wonder and awe sparkled in his green eyes from seeing snow for the first time since they've moved in that country. It was cold in his bare hand but soon melted from his warmth.   
  
"Bedivere!" his mother snaps at him, making the boy jump in surprise. His eyes slowly looked up to his mother who had the same identical eye color. A sudden strong breeze of cold wind caused the hood of the little boy's jacket to slip off his head revealing his short cornsilk white hair.   
  
"I..I'm sorry." Bedivere thought of the cute little animals from the television that never failed to make his mother squee in delight and did his best to made an impression of one, trying to get out of trouble.   
  
And it worked. His mother let out a small sigh and raise up his hoodie back to his head to keep him from getting cold but he started sneezing from the freezing temperature making her frown in concern.   
  
"Let's hurry home before you catch a cold." she said patting his head gently to make sure that the hoodie wouldn't fell off again. Without anymore delays they continue on their way home.   
  
Wanting to go back home in the warmth of their home sooner. Bedivere tried to match his mother's long strides holding onto her and looking ahead of him, focusing on the ground to make sure that he wouldn't slip, Until something caught his eyes.   
  
It was an adult male with a child who around his age walking heading in the opposite direction, like them they were probably hurrying home as well to take shelter from the snow.   
  
For one, the child was certainly not dressed for the cold weather, wearing nothing but a thin white shirt. But that was not what caught Bedivere's attention the most nor why his eyes was closed while walking. It was his red hair, it was so red like a ripened apple ready for the picking, the color stands out so vibrantly in the plain white, gloomy scenery of the winter. It was so beautiful.   
  
The boy seemed to sense that he was staring intensely at him as they were closing in with each other. When they passed by each other he opened his eyes to look back at him. The calm viridian met with fiery amber. It was only for a brief moment but when their eyes met he couldn't help but gasped at the emptiness in those beautiful eyes.   
  
A sad smile Bedivere has never seen flashes before his eyes, a smile he knows, a smile he remembers even though he shouldn’t.   
  
Instead of the heavy beating of his heart, a lovely melody rings in his ears as if he was captivated by a song that had been long forgotten. It suddenly clicked to him that he knew him. Somewhere before he met that person. Even if he couldn't remember, he was sure that he know him.   
  
Before he realized it he stopped walking, his eyes seeming to have been glued at the boy as he walks further away from his sight. He hope that he would look back but he didn't. Or atleast Bedivere didn't see him look back at him.   
  
The second time that the two boys saw each other was two years later. Bedivere hadn't forgotten those amber eyes and the other had not forgotten the green ones.   
  
It was the fine day in the midst of spring. He sat still by the long chair situated next to the window. His eyes were focused outside the beautiful garden adorned by different plants and flower. With both Arthur and Arturia - who are just few years younger than him - away for a vacation with their grandparents he didn't need to be there to look after them, yet here he was in their mansion, specifically called in for today.   
  
Bedivere's family had served the Pendragons for generation. And even though he was still young he was already tasked with looking after the young master and the young miss of the family. While his peers found it too much responsibility for their age, Bedivere actually liked doing his job, not only did he helps his family he also enjoyed the company of the two who were pretty much like a younger brother and sister to him.   
  
Still, he didn't understand why he got called in when those two are not around. He was really nervous being alone in that big room especially when the one who called for him was the eldest daughter of the family, Latoria. Not that he didn’t like her, in fact he admire her a lot but he couldn’t help but be nervous sometimes from the lack of expression on his face. Plus her attendant Agravain was always very strict.   
  
With nothing better to do he tried to calm himself down by playing the piano in situated in the middle of the room. Trying to grasp that familiar melody in his head, faintly trying to remember the proper notes of the tune but no matter how much he tried nothing seemed to connect and it sounds as if he was just pressing random keys.    
  
"That sound horrible." someone said out loud making him jump in surprise for one second and depressed in the next. Bedivere knew that he was never good with any musical instrument but hearing those words really crushed the little self-esteem he had for it.   
  
Despite being tomato red in embarrassment. He looked at the person who that voiced belonged to and his embarrassment seemed to have flown out of the window the moment he set his eyes on the familiar boy who stood there peeking by the door.   
  
His hair was longer from the last time and his eyes are still closed, Bedivere never stopped wondering why.   
  
"Who-" before he could ask he heard Latoria's voice and her footsteps getting closer and closer towards the direction of the room.   
  
"There you are." Latoria said making the red haired boy looked up at the towering adult. She opened the door widely so that both of them could enter. Bedivere could only stay still, looking back and forth to the boy and to Latoria. Not a clue on what was going on.   
  
She signaled for him to come closer. Slowly sliding down from the piano chair and walk towards them. Bedivere stopped when he was just an arm away from him, his eyes viridian eyes focused at him, he knew this before but he looked really fair and his eyelashes were long. It made him blush how cute he looked.   
  
"Bedivere this is Tristan." she introduced, a rare small smile in her features making her more beautiful "Starting from now on he'll be living here with us, like you."   
  
From confusion, Bedivere's face brightened up. He had been here for so long that he was used to the coming and going of all the people who were serving under the family but this was the first time that someone of his age came. Of course he would be delighted.   
  
"Please look after him for me." she gave her a pat on the head and to that Bedivere eagerly nodded at Latoria with a wide smile. He felt pride that he was being entrusted by something by the person he looked up to. Unknowingly that Tristan was looking at him as he talked to Latoria happily.   
  
It almost made Tristan jump when Bedivere turned his attention back to him with that big smile on his face and his viridian eyes sparkling with enthusiasm as he took his hand. It was such a nostalgic expression and nostalgic moment of warmth yet he couldn't recall it.   
  
The whole while, all he could focus on was Bedivere's voice as he showed him around enthusiastically. His cute baby face and those green eyes that was literally sparkling. It was mesmerizing to him that Tristan couldn't keep his eyes away from him.   
  
When he was with Bedivere he felt as if he had come back home. He like that feeling.   
  
**A few years later...**   
  
Bedivere felt so hot and sweaty, as if a ton of weight was place on top of his body that made him unable to move properly. It was a little hard to breath urging him to wake up.   
  
The blurry ceiling of his dim room with bluish hue from the first light of the dawn greeted him as he slowly opened his eyes, the right half of his body still seemed to be paralyzed or rather there was something preventing him from moving freely.   
  
He groaned. Feeling so uncomfortable, he lazily turned his head to his right side to see what it was and his breath hitched and heart jumped at the same time his whole face tinted with red when he saw what it was or who it was.   
  
He immediately snap out of his sleeping daze and force himself to sit up abruptly despite the heavy weight and the pain in his head when his long hair got stuck in between the pillows and his body from suddenly getting up like that. "Tristan you sneaked on my bed again!" he chided at the red headed male who was sleeping next to him, clinging at him like he was some sort of body pillow.   
  
With all that moving around and shouting, the red headed male stirred awake. He opened his eyes slowly, looking up at Bedivere who held a flustered expression on his face and he smiled at him "Good morning." he mumbled sleepily before going back to sleep again, nuzzling at the side of his hand.   
  
_ It was freakin' adorable!!! _ _   
_   
__ 'goddamnit .' Bedivere exhaled out through his nose harshly and looked away from Tristan who was still clinging onto him, overwhelmed and frustrated with the way in which his insides wouldn't stop tingling.   
  
He couldn't really calm his heart like this. It was much more better when they were younger and used not to care about anything, but as they grew older Bedivere had realized that what attraction he held for Tristan back then was early signs of him falling in love. When he realized it he was already too deep into it that it was impossible to turn back.   
  
He tried to not show it and kept it to himself. It was not worth testing the waters when the probability of ruining their relationship is quite high. For all he knew, Tristan only sees him as a childhood friend or a brother which is why he wanted to keep his feelings a secret and make sure to keep his composure and rationality in place but the number one person who was making it hard for him to do so was Tristan himself.   
  
How much frustration he had been building by just sharing a room with him.   
  
No. Their room sharing had started since he first came which was not strange but they were already in high school. It was normal for people around this time to want a personal space for your own? Yet, Tristan refused to have separate rooms despite the mansion being big enough to provide two rooms for each servants.   
  
Bedivere tried to think why Tristan turned out this way but the more he contemplate about it the more he found himself to be the one at fault for the other male's clinginess towards him. HE SPOILED HIM TOO MUCH!   
  
It made him want to cry. Wishing to bring back time and correct himself for letting Tristan develop his bad habits but at the same time he cherished all those moments and he knew he would do them all over again if given the chance. In short he was just hopeless.   
  
Bedivere was fighting really hard against the blush that was trying to rise to his cheeks as he continued to marvel down at the beautiful person at his side. "Why do you keep sleeping in my bed?" he asked trying to sound annoyed while shaking the red headed male awake.   
  
"Hmm?" Tristan grunted sleepily with his voice slightly deep from just having woken up "Because your bed is much more comfortable than mine."   
  
"We literally use the same kind of mattress. How did mine became more comfortable?"   
  
"Because of the spot." he answered flatly without care.   
  
Bedivere let out a really long sigh, he was starting to really get annoyed with this. "Then should we switch places? I'll take your spot and you can take mine." He was desperate at this point and he'd take any solution to fix Tristan's bad habit.   
  
Tristan finally loosen his grip onto him. Using his hands to prop himself to sit up in the bed. His long hair was messy and was all over his face temping Bedivere to fix it and let his fingers slid through those soft locks put kept his hand to himself.   
  
Tristan opened his eyes and looked at him seriously as if he was mad which made Bedivere immediately switch to apology mode. Then, "I like this bed because you're sleeping here." he said before closing his eyes again and falling back to the bed to continue his sleep.   
  
He left Bedivere frozen like a statue not moving an inch nor was he breathing, to him the wall by his side looked really welcoming to bash his head on it. That way he'd stop misinterpreting what Tristan just said. Surely he was just being childish as they always used to share the same bed in the past.   
  
"W-w-we should hurry up and start preparing!!" Bedivere stuttered horribly, unable to hide that he was flustered by his words. He jumped off their bed making sure that he wouldn't step on Tristan on the process and hurriedly made his way to the bathroom.   
  
When he heard the water running and was sure that Bedivere won't be leaving until he was done. Tristan let out the light laughter that he had been suppressing the moment he woke up to Bedivere's flustered face.   
  
He rolled over in the bed, lying sideways and grabbed the pillow that Bedivere had used and hugged it tightly close to his chest, feeling that warmth and taking in the scent that he loved the most with a blush on his face.   
  
Bedivere was very smart but he was incredibly dense despite all the hints that Tristan had been dropping here and there. Still, he looked adorable being flustered which was why he couldn't help teasing him. But Tristan knew he should stop with all the teasing already. 

After minutes of staring contest with Bedivere’s plush toy - an eyeball with violet tentacle - a really weird and somewhat creepy for a plushie. He was always bothered by it but since Bedivere really liked it which is why he never said anything. 

He pushed himself out of his bed, stretching out his limbs as walked over to his study desk and grab a stack of paper neatly placed on top of it. He reviewed the sheet music with a smile as he hummed the tune of the notes. He felt really satisfied and proud that he was able to finish it after months of working on it.   
  
.   
  
.   
  
.   
  
.   
  
Their morning was pretty much the everyday routine. Waking up as early as 4 a.m. to get ready for school. Once Tristan finished helping Bedivere with braiding his hair they would head down together to the kitchen to eat breakfast and afterwards they would each wake up Arthur and Arturia and help them to get ready for school.   
  
While the two are eating with their older sister, they make sure that they would not forget anything and after they ate their breakfast they would see them off to be escorted by the driver to their own school before both Bedivere and Tristan head to their own school as well.   
  
Much to their displeasure. The two were assigned to different classes for the year which is why they had to say quick goodbye's during classes - even though their homerooms was just basically next to each other.   
  
Tristan was about to enter his class when Bedivere stopped him and closed the distance between them making him widen his eyes in surprise as he froze on his spot from the closeness when Bedivere undid his necktie.   
  
"Your necktie is crooked." he sighed "You're not a child anymore so learn to put it on properly." he scolded but his words were one ear out in the other, same with the giggles and soft whispers of the girls passing by as they look at them.   
  
Bedivere was close. Too close that his fresh scent of shampoo and soap wafts on his nose and his he could feel his warm breath against his skin. All it takes was for him to accidentally look up or for Tristan to lean down to have their lips pressed against each other.   
  
He snap out of it when he felt a pat on his shoulder "All right you're all good!" Bedivere grinned proud of his neat work "I'll see you later at lunch." he waved before heading to his own class.   
  
Tristan slumped as soon as he got into his chair with his face pressed against the cool, hardwood of his desk. He ignored the teasing of his classmates that he was being looked after his 'mom'. He felt completely drained to even care what they say about them plus it’s already known throughout the campus how Bedivere always look after him.   
  
_ Too dense, too unprotected and too caring and doting with his head like it's always in the clouds!  _ That pretty much sums up Bedivere when it comes to Tristan. It was a little frustrating that until now he was being treated like a child even though they were the same age.

Even more frustrating was Bedivere is too confusing. One time he’s very conscious of him and the next and the next he’s mother henning at him. He wanted to say that Bedivere likes him back but with him like that it was hard to tell.   
  
"Are you alright?" Tristan looked up and saw a towering male in front, looking at him with concern. He only nodded at the question and stared at him for a few moments while he straightens himself up.   
  
"Can I ask you a question, Siegfried?"    
  
The male looked unsure at first before he nodded "Sure."   
  
"When was the first time you kissed Karna and who instigated it?" he asked so nonchalantly it took a few second for Siegfried to process the question before his face burst in red and if smoke could come out from his head due to overheating it was definitely going to.   
  
Tristan realized that he asked the wrong question. He should have asked how they confessed first but with his head muddled from earlier he asked about kissing instead. Now it looked like Siegfried was no longer in any condition to answer his question so mentally noted that he’d look for Karna later and ask him about it. If not he could ask the others as well.   
  
.   
  
.   
  
.   
  
.   
That afternoon Bedivere went home alone because Tristan suddenly had to skip his duties on the student council. That guy had been acting weird since lunch, dragging anyone who he knew and have hushed conversation away from the rest of their group of friends. He Didn’t know if Tristan was keeping it a secret from him but what he was talking with the others had without fail immediately reached his ears.

He was asking for advice how to confess.

The moment it reached his ears it made him tinge with irritation akin to that when someone scratches the surface of the black board. It had put a damper on Bedivere’s good moon in just mere millisecond.

He felt conflicted about Tristan finally becoming interested in someone and why he never came to him first about it. He doesn’t know if he’d be devastated or furious between the two. Still he knew that that he shouldn’t  jump to conclusion until he heard from Tristan himself.

Bedivere was able to keep his calm. He certainly didn’t feel bothered or annoyed at the random girls speculations that they were the one that Tristan meant. Nor did was he felt anger any anger when he gave him a poor excuse and skipped their council duties. He didn’t even glare at his empty seat during the whole meeting making it awkward for everyone to even mention about his absence.

Thankfully by the time that he had to head home he had somewhat cooled his head or he finally tire himself out from overthinking. He took a deep breath letting the soft, cool wind of the autumn’s chill  crept on his skin. The sun was starting to set in the horizon even though it was still early.

It was so strange for him to be walking alone since the redhead had already been a constant presence around him. They’d normally walk home together and he’d scold Bedivere for buying another Lion-Gao products to spoil Arturia with. 

He stopped in front of the usual store where'd he’d buy treats for the two but he just didn’t feel like it today. Instead of going inside he walked straight home.   
  
When he got back he was pleased to know that Tristan was already home since hours ago, it certainly gave him a peace of mind. He saw him with Arthur but he looked busy. Instead of approaching him Bedivere opted to do his share of chores around the house which was mostly with Arturia plus he also had to tutor her and help her with assignments. 

Normally It was supposed to be Melin’s job but he wouldn’t be able to come in for a few months for god knows what trouble he had gotten himself with, again! And the responsibility fell onto his and Tristan shoulder because they were their assigned attendants. 

His mood was back to normal until he was greeted with Arturia’s expectant look. How he was burned with guilt and shame when she looked so disappointed when she learned that she didn’t had her lion-gao snacks to get her through her homework. While Arturia claimed that she would be fine he knew she was very sad about it and the cookies that the maids prepared for her didn’t manage to cheer her up at all.    


As if that wasn’t enough to crush his heart. Arthur had specially sneak away from Tristan to their study room to ask for the usual snack. The disappointed looks on their face made him felt as if he had let the entire world down.

Just when all hell was about to break lose. Tristan came in and he just had to snort at him when he was panicking how to handle the two just that was just a few more second in throwing tantrums. The problem was immediately resolved when he gave them the snack that they were craving for and effectively saved the day.

With the problem done Tristan lead Arthur back and scolded him for sneaking away but before he left he just had to gave him a victorious smirk that made Bedivere red embarrassment and infatuation. 

  
By night time, he was all done with his duties. He had dinner without Tristan. The others had told him that he was talking with Latoria. It was a little surprising but it was nothing knew, she called up others from time to time whenever she asks about her sibling. 

When he returned to their room he thought Tristan would be back already but the lights were still turned off with no signs of him coming back when he entered. At first he dismissed it that Tristan still needed to do something but as he finished his own homework and studying it was already so late in the night yet there was no signs of him returning.

  
He would usually be the first one to come back and it’s rare that he’d go to sleep later than Bedivere even in the weekends. While this does happen from time to time he couldn’t help but be a little worried... Probably too worried that he went out and looked for him around the mansion.

The hallway outside their room was dim with only few orange wall lamps and the security lights from outside illuminating  the place. Some of the area was completely dark in which Bedivere didn’t bother going.    
  
At the east wing of the mansion he heard a faint sound of piano and he followed it. His hunch told him that it was Tristan. Since they were children he was really good with any musical instruments and he would often teach the two how to play.   
  
_ Maybe Arthur asked him to teach him again? _ Thought Bedivere. It’ll be hard to convince the young master that he needed to sleep.    
  
As he got closer and had listened enough to the melody it felt somehow familiar to him, like a melody he heard from long ago but he could not remember it. He’s never heard that melody before but it hits him with a sense of nostalgia.   
  
He stopped in front of the wooden door, slowly opening the door without knocking so that he wouldn’t disturb them but he found Tristan by himself. Bedivere couldn’t help the smile forming on his lips and watched. Leaning his shoulder by the door as he listened. Since before and until now he loved watching Tristan playing all sorts of instrument and he loved listening to the songs that he plays, albeit it was alway sad songs.   
  
When Tristan saw him leaning by the door and listening at him like he always do, he gave him a small smile. Not distracted by his presence, his fingers didn’t stop pressing one keys after another producing a really soothing sound.    
  
Once the song had ended Bedevere gave him a small clap and praised him like he always does. "That's a very lovely song." he complimented.   
  
He looked up and smiled at him "I was suppose to play that for you on your birthday but I guess either way it's fine."   
  
"I'll take it as an early birthday gift then.” Feeling that it was alright for him to approach now, he walked towards him and looked at the sheet that was sitting by the music rack. It was personally handwritten by Tristan himself “Is that an original composition?"   
  
"Yes,” He nodded “but not mine. Yours." he smirked   
  
Bedivere tilted his head in confusion. Unlike Tristan, he had no talent for music so it was impossible for him to even compose one line of a song. Which made hi rack his mind if there was a time where he tried impulsively to compose a song but none seemed to resurface in his memory because he never did.    
  
"It's the horrible song you were trying to play when we first met.” Tristan let out a soft chuckle with a fondness in his voice “Now that I mention it. It’s in this very room where I found you that day.”    
  
"Don't remind me!!" He hissed whilst his face turning red from the memory. Ever since Tristan said those words to him, Bedivere had avoided playing any instrument to save himself from further embarrassment. Plus he liked listening to Tristan play better than him struggling on learning.   
  
“Hahaha. You were very cute back then” he teased. “You were- mphhh”   
  
Bedivere covered his mouth with his hand not wanting to hear anymore of his embarrassing past “Stop it! Don’t remind me any more! I beg you.”   
  
\\*\\*\\*\\*\\*\\*\\*   
  
The moon was set high with millions of stars dotting the vast sky. It had gotten very late in the night when the two of them finally decide to retire for the day and go to sleep.   
  
Bedivere had just finished taking a shower, a towel hanging in his shoulder with his long hair left untied to let it dry properly before heading to bed. When he entered their room he saw Tristan on his usual black long sleeved shirt, taking his pillows and put it on his bed.   
  
"What are you doing?" he knew what Tristan was doing but he just wanted to ask any and wants to know why he was planning to sleep next to him again.    
  
Tristan climb up in the bed, sitting on the right side and put the blanket over his feet. "Well, you're very fussy when I sneak in the middle of the night to sleep next to you so I'll just lie down here until we fall asleep." when he saw that Bedivere won’t be moving from his where he was standing anytime soon he pat his hand on the empty space of the bed. Silently telling him to come to his side.   
  
Bedivere could only huff in defeat. He already lose this one before it even started. Rather than stretching this out, it was better for him to just comply. Secretly happy about it. After a whole day of anxiety and possibly jealousy he just wanted to be close to him.

Making a quick work of drying his hair and hang the towel in the rack to let it dry for the night. He sat down in the empty space of the bed next to Tristan who was reading a book while he was waiting for him to finish. "Why do you like sleeping next to me so much?” he asked, feigning annoyance when he actually liked it as well.    
  
"Why you ask?” He set down his book and looked at Bedivere and answered him in a-matter-of-fact tone “Isn’t it normal, wanting to be close to the person you love?"   
  
"Wha-” before he could utter the next words he was stopped as if he choked on air. His mind blanked at the words that he said.   
  
Tristan shifted over so that he was facing Bedivere. He was never good with all the meticulous planning and fancy confession that others advised him to do earlier. If he was going to do it he’d he’d rather be himself and do it the way he felt right. Sitting on his heels while his hands cupping his cheeks before repeating the words he said. this time more slowly and gently "I'm in love with you."   
  
An overwhelming emotion of happiness swelled in his heart. A sad smile Bedivere has never seen on Tristan flashes before his eyes, a smile he knows, a smile he remembers even though he shouldn’t. And one that Bedivere never wanted Tristan to wear.    
  
His body felt warm with his eyes blurring from the tears welling on it. He was so happy that their feeling was actually mutual all these time and there was a part of him somewhere that was relieved or rather fulfilled hearing those heartfelt words from him, as if he had been waiting for a very, very long time for it.   
  
Tristan frowned in both concern seeing Bedivere crying so much and nervousness in fear of rejection "Do you hate it so much to the point of crying?"   
  
Bedivere could only shake his head unable to form the words with tears continuously falling from his eyes no matter how many times he urged himself to stop. He held Tristan’s hands to somehow convey to him know that he didn’t hate it and he didn’t have to pull away.   
  
It took a few moments for Bedivere to calm down and for the tears to stop. "I just felt like I've been waiting for a really long time to hear those words." he smiled.   
  
Tristan smiled back at him wiping the stray tear from his cheeks “I feel the same. Like I’ve waited forever to say them.”   
  
They both chuckled. Pressing their foreheads together feeling a sense of completeness like a promise finally fulfilled after waiting for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the before reincarnation part.
> 
> Yeah... I'm not that familiar with Tristan's lore yet so forgive me if I made any mistakes.

It was nothing more than a mistake out of drunken mishap. An impulse brought about by the intoxication from the alcohol during one of the boisterous party that they had during their down time in Chaldea.

At least that’s the excuse that he used and that was what he made him believe even though both are obviously aware of his aversion towards liquor - especially those of enchanted ones due to the tragedies that it had led him in the past.

They both knew that even if he did partake in parties and celebrations, he would only drink a few cups out of courtesy that he’d never even get tipsy from it’s spirits and be out of there before anyone offers him anymore drink that he couldn’t handle.

In the end it was just a lie, a poorly made one at that. A sorry excuse for them not to cross a certain line. It’s not even an excuse that he had said with his own mouth, after all Tristan had just left without even much a word when he woke up next to him.

He honestly didn’t know if he was relieved that he didn’t come after him and pursue that matter, acting like how they normally do or he was utterly disappointed that he might not even remember anything from that night out of his drunken stupor. While he was certainly not drunk at that time, Bedivere was very drunk.

A soft sigh escaped him as he sat down under one of the many shades of the trees that was surrounding the vicinity of the lake they decided to set their camp for this campaign of gathering materials. Quietly, he worked on the strings of his bow. All the while he had kept close check of his companions.

Arjuna was sent out to scout the forest while both Siegfried and Karna was doing the rest of the clean up. He was particularly focused on Bedivere who was talking with both Ritsuka and Mash, most likely regarding their next actions.

“Did you have a fight with Bedivere?” Gudako asked from behind him, leaning down so that her head was in the same level as his. It was a attempt to rattle him but he had already sensed her approaching close before she spoke.

His blank reaction to her petty plans made her huff in disappointment as she was hoping that the archer would be more surprised. She just didn’t know that it was not her action but it was her question that had caught him off guard.

“Not that I can remember.” It was an honest reply. Other than that night of stupidity everything was normal between them. Too normal for his taste if he had to admit. They were casual with each other like nothing ever happened and he was the only left to muddle about it. “What makes you think so, ?” he asked.

Gudako sat next to him while answering his question. “It’s just that I feel like you two are a bit distant towards each other recently. Not always, but I used to see you two together from time to time and I haven’t recently. I also noticed that when the two of you are talking both of you seemed stiff.”

That was a very interesting observation that even he didn't notice, accurate even. While he did think that he and Bedivere had been interacting normally like always but now that she had pointed it he finally noticed what was different from then and now; their conversations will always be short and even if they did converse other people would be around, never just the two of them.

Tristan hummed with amusement. A woman’s intuition cannot be underestimated.

But the problem now. Was he being avoided? No. He knew him pretty well enough to know that if he wanted to keep distance he’d say it straight to his face. Plus, most of the time it was Bedivere who approaches him and make sure they aren't alone in the same room.

 _He’s being considerate._ He let out a small chuckle at the realization.

“That’s because master is driving us like slaves for material gathering,” he finally spoke again because Gudako was giving him weird looks because he was laughing by himself and that stare made him very uncomfortable “that’s why we don’t have such leisure time to sit down and have a nice conversation.” he huffed pretending to be tired.

“I’m really sorry,” she cried out. Tristan couldn’t help but laugh when Gudako gasped so comically, like a child that had done something bad. This was part of the reason why servants loved teasing her a lot. “To make up for it I’ll make sure not to enlist you for the next rayshift so you two can spend some quality time together. I’ll also make sure that no one bothers you!”

Tristan's mood suddenly turned in a dive. In just a matter of seconds it looked like he had his ticket to dematerialize out of a simple joke. Had someone also mention that their master might have a talent for leading her servants back into the Throne of Heroes? No, but now he knows and it’s scary because Gudako had no idea that she had that kind of talent as well.

He wanted to take it back and assure her that he didn’t meant what he said but lost his chance when Arjuna choose that perfect time to return. He emerged from the thicket of the forest. She immediately stood up and sprinted towards him to listen to his report. They exchanged a few words before she turned around at their direction waving her hands up in the air calling everyone to gather up.

“Other than few lower level beast within the area I see no threat with exploring the forest.” he stated. It was only for a quick moment but Tristan noticed Gudako and Ritsuka who stood across him looked at one another then nodded. They often do that a lot like they were having some sort of conversation through telepathy.

  
“Since it’s only a few beasts I think it won’t be a problem if some of us will be left to stay here and guard our provisions and the materials that we collected.” he let out a long sigh “I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time and I’m sure it’s the same for everyone.”   
  
Everyone nodded unanimously with grim expression on their faces. Those were one of the terrible times. They were out for a long collection gathering that lasted almost a week, by the last day they returned to the camp with all the materials that they gathered all gone, some of the wild beast and animals in the area was attracted to it and stole them away. In the end they were stuck there to retrieve everything in just a short period of time. Servants normally don’t get tired but after that everyone was dead exhausted that none of them left Chaldea for a month.

“Alright,” Ritsuka said looking at Siegfried. “Is it alright if you and Karna to stay here?”

“Of course.” he replied without question.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/

The forest was tannin-brown. The grasses they stepped on were crackly beneath their feet because of the recent dry spell. The size and majesty of the trees left an impression of awe for anyone to see them. Their knotted arms rose ever upwards, as far as my head could lift. They were hoary fortresses and stood proudly. The orchestra of birdsong could be heard from them but suddenly stopped when they approach close to the three’s where the birds were perched, wary of their presence.

Tristan walked closely next to Gudako the entire time for safety reason while Ritsuka, Mash and Arjuna walked ahead of them. “Master, is it really alright for just only us to go and hunt?” he said to Gudako in a hushed voice.

“It’s alright” she assured “We won’t venture too deep. Just enough to give those two some time and distract Arjuna.”

Tristan gave her an amused smile. Now it made sense why their returned was suddenly pushed back for a day. He looked up at Arjuna who was unsuspecting of their Masters scheme “This is why you always got into an argument with him.” he commented to which Gudako shrugged.

The rest of the hunt went easy enough. They were surrounded at first but turning the table was a simple task for them. After the wild beast sense that they would be exterminated instead they fled deeper in the forest to which they made no attempt to pursue. Without a word, they took their time in walking back.

When the group arrived back at the camp they saw Siegfried kneeling in front of Karna by the lake, Ritsuka stopped behind the three just far enough that they wouldn’t be alerted of their presence nor their conversation kept privy to both of them, though they were still able to hear bits of the conversation. At the same moment Gudako was trying her best in calming Arjuna and prevent him from charging there like a crazed man.

They shouldn’t be watching them in secret like this but even Tristan had found himself immersed in it as he watched the couple exchanging promises.

While a lot of servants that are currently in Chaldea had formed intimate relationships but even he could tell that the affection between those two were out of pure love. He felt somewhat envious of that. While he had experience with romance and knew well how it felt like, it still didn't change the fact that those emotions were simply the effect of a love potion.

The love he knew was nothing more than a love made to be by means of an aphrodisiac; yet nevertheless, it was the first love Tristan ever experienced. He knew it himself that the drugs effect had long vanished but having a taste of that feeling had left him wanting for more and kept longing for it.

This is why the love between those two is worth to be envied. Starting of as enemies with respect towards each other. When they were reunited in Chaldea their deep friendship had slowly grew into something more. And now they are probably few of the most solid couple in Chaldea. A boringly normal process for most but at least they loved out of their own violation and most importantly it was real.

Then what was that night? It was a lot of things but if he had to be sure it was not out if impulse to fill a certain emptiness, no it was something more than that. He knows the answer to it but he still couldn’t grasp it.

He peeked at Bedivere who was helping Gudako. Even if his eyes are usually closed it doesn’t mean that he was blind. Of course he was aware of Bedivere growing affection towards him, though he initially thought that it was just their friendship and comradery going deeper but he had been having his doubts that it was something akin to love… until that night that is.

  
All his doubts was immediately blown away. Even now he could still feel every sensation lingering in his skin. Every time he looked at Bedivere, he remembered the taste of his lips, the warmth of his skin against his. They'd fit so perfectly together; like their bodies were specifically crafted to be one instead of two.  
  


Tristan was alerted when he heard a crackling of lightning and a flash of light passed through from behind him when Arjuna had enough and loosened an arrow. Either he didn't care whether Karna would be caught up in it or he was confident that he wouldn’t hit his brother with his arrow aimed at Siegfried’s head.

Thankfully Karna was quick to realize the incoming divine arrow and immediately pushed Siegfried out of the way. Their master immediately took a quick action and begged them to restrain the furious archer.

They decided that it was best to drag him back in the forest. For one last time he looked at the two and his eyes opened in awe at the bright scene before him where two lovers are basking in the bliss of happiness. They were really fortunate.

Had he not ran away from that time, was there even a chance? He shrugged off the thought.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

The messy room had empty bottles laid on the ground, waiting for someone to trip over them. A lot of the drunk servants had already fallen a victim to it. The boisterous and lively sound of laughter of the people on that room echoed throughout Chaldea, maybe it may have even outside of the facility beyond the stormy mountains. Clearly almost everyone was drunk enough to even remember why they were having this party in the first place.

It wasn’t a bad party and everyone was having fun. Just slightly dangerous than normal celebrations with a lot of servants possessing powerful noble phantasms that’s able to level the world gather in one room and slowly getting drunk out of their minds.

When Bedivere saw Romani dragging Gudako out of the room he had decided that it was also time for him to leave saving himself from the following disaster that would later occur.

He tried to leave as discreetly as possible. Avoiding to be noticed by the others even though he was aware that everyone was too intoxicated to even notice anyone coming in and out of that room. Still, it never hurts to be cautious.

Once he was successfully out of the room he was surprised to find both Romanin and Gudako still there in the vast, white hallways. He seemed to be having trouble with her flailing drunken self.

“Shall I help you with carrying master, Doctor?” he offered ever politely.

“Sir Bedivere!” Romani’s expression turned from trouble one to relief then embarrassment. “I would be really thankful for the help.” he gave him a sheepish smile.

At first they had trouble because Gudako kept desperately clinging at Romani’s coat claiming that she wanted to be carried by Romani instead but whenever Bedivere would pass her to him she would flail restlessly and cling onto Bedivere. It’s not a joke that they had almost dropped her several times along the way until she finally passed out.

Romani’s clinic was the standard size of the other offices within chaldea. Three beds were lined up in a row with only white curtain that hangs in the metal bars attached to the wall used as a divider between each bed.

Bedivere gently lay their Master down in one of the bed and tucked her properly under the blanket to make sure that she won’t feel cold while Romani was preparing tea for the two of them.

Everything was quiet and peaceful until a loud  _boom_ reverberated throughout Chaldea making both of them jump in surprise. It was a common occurrence and they expected that to happen sooner or later but that still didn’t save them from being surprise. No one would ever get used to those explosions no matter how frequent they happen.

The two simply laughed it off and they would worry about the scale of destruction tomorrow and find which servant should be responsible for it. They shared a few cups of tea with him before bidding his goodnight and left the room.

Bedivere’s footsteps echoed loudly in the hollow corridors. The hallway was empty and vast with nothing but the color of white as far as his eyes can reach. It gave him a sense of Isolation.

He didn’t meant to but his feet just led him to the usual place where he’d meet Tristan on nights like this. Bedivere had already knew that the archer wouldn’t be there at the usual place but it doesn’t change the fact that he felt a pang of loneliness and disappointment in the lack of his presence. He sat down and leaned onto the softness of the couch.

He didn’t know how or when it even started but when Gudako pointed it out to him that he was excessively attentive of Tristan in the most embarrassing way.

_“This whole time your eyes kept following him wherever or whatever Tristan does and you can’t seem to concentrate whenever he’s around. You might also need to be aware that you always look like a puppy wanting attention or at times you look as if you’re about to push him down and devour him any second.”_

Bedivere hid his face in the covers of his palms remembering those words that had left him utterly dumbfounded and flustered - much to his master’s entertainment. Since then he had become conscious of his growing feelings towards him. He couldn’t help but become extremely conscious of him.

He never planned to tell him anything despite being so obvious about it. He didn’t want to bother Tristan about his own feelings because what are the odds anyway? While there is honor in war there is no shame in giving up in a battle you can’t win… But then he just had to mess up everything spectacularly.

Memories of that night flashed in his head like a replay. How he touched him and how he clung at him like his life depends on. He wasn’t that drunk like what Tristan seemed to believe. He may not remembered how they ended up like that but everything else was crystal clear for him.

Though he was really hoping that he had at least properly told him about his feelings before all of that. Unfortunately he would never know unless Tristan tell him how exactly they ended up in his bed. Which seemed really impossible as the other male wanted to avoid the topic entirely.

He didn’t like it when he woke up that morning without him by that side but he already understand what he meant with that. If Tristan wanted to make it seem that nothing had happened then he’d respect that. But that was not enough to save him from being awkward during their conversations.

If this was going to cost his friendship with him and the trust they built then he wished that it never happened. Or atleast Tristan should have just pushed him away, he wouldn’t care if the archer also wanted to beat him up when he made the first move.  _But why didn’t he?_

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Like he always does. Tristan left the party midway as soon as everyone started bringing out liquor. He had gotten caught up in the mess of their partying in the past and he was smart enough not to risk it again. Even Ritsuka had fled for his safety long ago and there was no reason for him to stay.

His feet was leading him to the usual longue but he turned back and head to his room instead. For two hours he kept rolling over his bed unable to get a proper rest. While servant don’t really need sleep, old habits from when they are still alive are hard to change.

A few more minutes and he was still awake. He sat up, finally giving up on his futile attempt to ran away from Bedivere through the means of sleeping.If he was going to be bothered by it the entire time he might as well talk to him.

Tristan immediately spotted Bedivere sitting in one of the many placed couches in the longue, right next to the glass railing that was framed with metal bars to make sure it was kept in place. That spot gave a good view of the few floors below the facility.

It felt weird seeing him there because it was usually the other way around - where he would leave the party early and Bedivere following after an hour of a few later. That had become their usual routine.

“Bedivere,” Tristan said as he approached the other. Bedivere turned around his hair getting caught in the couch’s backrest making him tilt his head awkwardly “Mind if I join you?”

The other looked taken aback at first like he’s seen a ghost but his face immediately softens in a calm smile. That was enough as an approval without words being spoken. Tristan sat beside Bedivere, it took him by surprise that he’d choose to sit next to him when he usual take the couch across the one that they were sitting on. Even Tristan himself didn’t know why he did.

“Can I have some of these?” Tristan referred to the plate of cookie sitting on the coffee table in front of them as a means to break the ice between them, those were probably the courtesy of either the child servants or Boudica.

“Sure.” Bedivere nodded moving the plate of treats closer towards him.

Tristan helped himself a bite wondering how to start a conversation. Normally he wouldn’t need to come up with anything because it was always Bedivere who initiates but the other was remaining persistently silent.

He followed Bedivere’s gaze to the floor just below them. He couldn’t see much of it at first until he leaned closer to his side so he could get a good view. When Tristan took a peeked at Bedivere from the corner of his eye, he could see a smile brightening his attractive features. His perfect bow lips curled up and his viridian eyes warm in content as he watched Saber Arturia and a certain archer bickering, to which Tristan was certain that it was about sweets.

If someone had told them in the past that they would witness their King begging like a child for treats in the future they’d call them crazy and if it that person wasn’t Merlin that guy would probably get executed on the spot yet here they are. It's always amusing for Tristan to see her acting so humane.

An idea struck him while he watched Emiya finally giving in and gave her a small treat. It was only out of amusement really.

“Feed me.” It was only a joke but he made sure to sound as if it was not a favor but a demand. It was very effective to make Bedivere from being serene to a fumbling mess.

“Why? Bedivere croaked “You can feed yourself!” he sputtered defensively.

“Stingy.” Tristan complain childishly despite the amused smile on his lips. He reached for a piece and bit on it. The cookie was shaped small and was specifically made for children in mind which made it easier to finish. It was soft and chewy and the chocolate bits melted in his mouth smoothly. “It’s good.” he noted.

“Right!” he second with a bright expression. “It goes very well along with black tea. Would you like me to pour one for you?” Bedivere offered but instead of an answer Tristan held up a piece to him “Say ahh~”

Bedivere’s face turned completely blank. He was waiting for Tristan to laugh at his stupefied face but instead he pressed the cookie against his lips in insistence. A million thoughts ran in his head as he opened his mouth for a bite. His green eyes looked at him only to be met with amber ones looking back at him.

 _‘What?’_ Bedivere wondered taking a quick bite. Thankful that it was a small piece that he could immediately back away. Covering his mouth with his hand while he chewed on the sweet delicacy all the while fighting the rush of heat on his cheeks.He swallowed it painfully with the instilled sweetness of the chocolate unnaturally thick on his throat.

A satisfied smile curled on the sides of Tristan's lips. “Now you have to return the favor~” he chirped mischievously making Bedivere let out a long, exasperated sigh with his hand pressed against his face upon realization that he was flawlessly tricked into this.

“You just have to win everytime, don’t you?” he grumbled with slight annoyance yet he still took a piece from the plate and held it out to Tristan in the same gesture.

Bedivere immediately regretted it.

He should have used his silver right hand instead of his gloveless left, he thought in dismay. Feeling the goosebumps peppered in his arm with the breath against his skin when Tristan tucked the strands of his hair falling behind his ears and leaned down to take a bite. Bedivere could feel the stir in his stomach from the sight .

At the very last second, for what reason it was his eyes flashed up to Bedivere’s. Their futile attempt to not be conscious of one another and focus on something else failed miserably as the color of red bloomed in both of their cheeks.

Whatever game Tristan was playing, Bedivere didn’t care anymore. He could no longer restrain himself. Tristan never got a bite of the treat instead he had Bedivere’s lips pressed against him when the other had leaned down for a kiss. It was much more sweeter than the treats.

Both of them stayed still like that for several moments holding their breath. Tristan was caught off guard at first but he accepted it ease in the contact. He closed his eyes and felt the rush of warmth until Bedivere finally pulled away.

“Why didn't you push me away?” Bedivere asked unable to look at him straight, with guilt and embarrassment was apparent in his eyes. Light pants escaped his lips and his whole skin red.

“I don’t know.” Tristan answered, the hammering of his heart was painful in his chest and it ringed so loudly in his ears. He honestly didn’t know why and his mind was turning into a mess.

The first time they’ve embraced each other. While he was slightly sober on the other hand Bedivere was completely drunk back then, they can easily say that they were not thinking straight as an excuse. But now… he clearly didn’t drink any liquor and even if Bedivere did, he had sobered from it a long time ago. What was their excuse for this?

Tristan opened his mouth, his expression a mix between shame and desperation in finding the answer before he closed it. After a few moments of hesitation, “It just felt right.” he finally admitted. Bedivere only nodded seemingly satisfied with that answer. “Why did you kiss me?” he returned the question.

Unlike him, Bedivere answered without a hint of hesitation “Because I want to.” he whispered softly before pressing their lips once more.

Tristan’s heart flipped.  _Why? Why did it do that? Why did Bedivere made him feel that?_

The kiss was soft as before; gentle and tentative with an air of conviction. Tristan found himself melting in that warmth as the kiss slowly deepened. With his arms wrapped around Bedivere's neck with the need to feel him closer, his fingers sliding onto those white, soft locks making the braid that was holding it together loosen.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Several weeks, then months had passed since Bedivere kissed him that night. Neither had spoke regarding the labels of their vague relationship despite no matter how many times they found themselves coming back to one another.

It had been bugging for Tristan for a while now. He would have easily shrugged it off if it was only a matter if momentary impulse of desires. But it wasn’t. It was already obvious, even to others, that they pay special attention towards one another. How many times was it already that he had found himself coming back to Bedive, not just out of impulses but he simply just wanted his company. They could be doing anything or nothing, it matters not to him. All he wanted to stay beside him.

But what are they? Maybe the answer had already been in front of him the entire time yet he confuses himself with doubt and skepticism.

Bedivere was not the problem. He at least knew that much. Be it through words or his actions Bedivere never failed to profess of his affection towards him yet never once did he demand for Tristan to reciprocate it. Never asked for it nor did he falter when Tristan would give him silence in return for his words of love. Even if he left without a word. When he comes back to him Bedivere would keep accepting him in open arms.

It was a one sided expressing of love without wanting to hear the answer of the other party.

Of course it was unnatural relationship no matter how you look at it. Bedivere is not indicent enough to want this kind of relationship. True, he may be kind and patient but no matter how much patience he had there’s no way that he could keep up with this unless….

A frown formed in Tristan;s features with his eyebrows knotting together. It seemed that Bedivere understood the dilemma that he was going through more than he does and he was letting him take his time to figure it out on his own.  _He’s being overly considerate, again!_

In the past, it may be because of a love potion but no one would be able to make him feel such burning love like he did with Iseult. Or at least that’s what he himself believe but in reality he probably never really tried to open his heart to another again. Stubbornly believing that no one could make him feel like that again.

Perhaps he was right and he may be also wrong. Because how he felt back then and now is completely different.

Being with Bedivere gave him the calm and solace that he was seeking. A feeling of completeness and comfort he never once felt with anyone and at the same time just being in the male's presence made Tristan feel… out of control. With him, he felt nervous and uncertain of his next move, and his belly felt like it was filled with hundreds of butterflies all trying to escape at once. His mind remained in a constant shroud of fog, growing thicker the longer he stayed at Bedivere's side.

It was very confusing yet he found himself addicted in it.

Sometime Tristan couldn’t help but wonder. If he had felt this way towards him before would things have turned differently?

“Tristan!” Gawain called out snapping him out of his deep thoughts. It made him flinch in surprise that caused him to struck the wrong string of the harp. It sounded weirdly in the melody that he had been playing this whole time.

“Do you need me for something?” he tilted his head up with his eyes remaining closed and asked with unnaturally low tone of voice.

“No.” Gawain answered scanning the room for someone else. “I’m actually looking for Bedivere, have you seen him?”

A smile formed in Tristan’s lips. He raised his index finger up to his lips with a soft hush as he moved a little.

Gawain gasped softly when he saw Bedivere asleep by Tristan's side, using the archers shoulder to lean on with his face partly buried in the brown fur of his cape that was framed around his shoulder.

“Is it something urgent?” he asked softly making his sure his voice is loud enough for Gawain to hear and soft enough to not wake up Bedivere.

Gawain shook his head with a mused expression in his face. “No, I just wanted to ask him if he wanted to go for a round of sparring.”

“I’ll tell him later when he wakes up.” Tristan assured him.

Was it because of their voices or the sound of the harp that had lulled him to sleep had stop that made Bedivere stirred awake. “Tristan?” he mumbled in a sleepy daze.

“You can go back to sleep.” the archer didn’t waste a second to coo him back to sleep. Giving his head a soft pat. “I'll wake you up if someone needs you.” or so he claimed when he had already shooed a few people away since earlier. Even Gawain was not an exception.

“Alright.” he hummed trustingly and went back to sleep.

The look on Gawain's face was truly priceless. His eyebrows raised at him, his face was a mix of dumbfoundedness, confusion and betrayal all at once to which Tristan simply returned with a smug smirk. That had mange to make the blonde knight infuriated at first then gave him a knowing smile while he rolled his eyes before walking away to give them back their privacy.

Tristan sighed in relief when Gawain didn’t press them about this but he certainly had enough of shooing people away. Also, it would be troublesome if their masters or any versions of Arturia came looking for them, that way he’d really had no choice but to wake up the sleeping beauty next to him.

Slowly and gently, he shifted and picked up Bedivere in a bridal style. He would certainly be mad at him when he found out that he didn’t wake him up despite promising that he would. In his defence, they could have their time with him later but for now it was his time to monopolize him.

Was he being possessive? Probably. His thoughts could wait for later. Right now he just wanted to enjoy this moment.

Tristan smiled to himself, ignoring the soft gasps of anyone who chance upon them on the way back to his room. This was probably the first time that he wanted to monopolize someone so badly.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

The atmosphere was tense as he walked down the familiar white halls of Chaldea. Not even a soul can be seen wandering around even though it used to be boisterous and noisy around this time. Of course no one would be in the mood to be rowdy. Not when their remaining Master and everyone is currently mourning for a great loss.

Ritsuka had been in isolations for days and while they are all immensely worried they gave him the space he needed and let him be until he was ready to come out of it.

Like how he learns more about them vice versa they also come to understand him as a person. It was because of that most of the servants are already aware where his train of thoughts was heading. Even knowing what he planned to do no one would stop him.

  
When Tristan heard that Karna had been called by Ritsuka he didn’t even take seconds to come and seek out Karna. Even if he knew what would happen next he just wanted a confirmation which had led him to stand and wait outside the room for about thirty minutes waiting for them to finish talking.

After a few more minutes the door slid open and the lancer stepped out of the room. Though he remained as stoic as ever it was clear in his eyes that he was flustered but it only lasted for a moment until he saw Tristan.

Neither for them spoke. The door had long slid close in those agonizing second of silence. Probably because both of them don’t even know where to start.

“Master had finally decided to put an end to everything.” Tristan stated flatly that even he was shock at how easily those words left his mouth.

Karna only nodded in response but that was all he need to finally let go of the breath the he didn’t know he was holidin. Without even a word he started to walk away.

“Will you tell him? Karna asked out of nowhere making him halt in his steps. Out of everyone in Chaldea Karna was probably the last of the few person whom he thought would ask that question of him. How he knows about his ever ambiguous relationship with Bedivere will be left to the imagination.

“There is no need.” He gave him a sad smile before he continued on his way.

“I will go ask Emiya and the rest to start preparing. Please do no be late.” he spoke with emphasis on the last words.

“Understood.” He gave him a small wave of a hand. Tristan can only laugh internally at how he was so transparent. Or was it because Karna just easily see through everyone. Either way, now he don't have a choice but to be there later.

Normally when the end is nearing they would want to see their most dearest. Tristan knew that first hand but strangely enough he did not want to see Bedivere as the end approaches.

Before returning to his quarters he had decided to pay a visit to his master. The one who had summoned him in Chaldea.

When the door slid open, the light beeping of the machine that was sustaining her weakened life greeted him as he entered the room. He smiled looking at the various traced left by the other servants who had come to pay her a visit.

When she fell into a coma Chaldea was never the same again. While it remained boisterous as ever, her strong presence left a big hole for everyone that no one was able to fill and whenever they had celebrations and normal down time between the rayshifts there was not a time where no had missed her.

He let his fingers slide down her cheek. She looked paler compared to his last visit and her breathing had become much more shallow. It was as if she was sensing the coming end her life force was rapidly draining out of her. Even in her death like sleep it seemed she doesn't want to witness the end. Not that he could blame her, no one wanted this to end.

After he finished saying his goodbye to her. Tristan just wanted to be on his own for a while in the privacy of his room but things just never go in his favor. When he was about to leave the room the door suddenly slid open. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Bedivere.

“As I thought I’ll find you here.” he smiled at him as calm as he ever was.

 _Ah._ It finally sinked to him the reason why he didn’t want to see him. Because once he did he’d have to really face the truth that all of this was over and he couldn’t come in terms with that but now that they are facing at each other his heart could only swell of relief that he was able to see him.

.

.

.

Soft melody echoed in the spacious as Tristan gently strum at his harp.

After Bedivere had finished paying his respect to Gudako for the last time he did not ask him to accompany him back to his room like Tristan had expected. Instead he was dragged at the top most level of the facility where they could have a good view of the surrounding mountainous area. All for the sole reason that it was one of the rare days in that place that the skies were clear. 

Bedivere stayed rooted at his seat across Tristan, listening at the melody that he played while paying close attention to each movement of his fingers like he always does. He just never get tired of it.

But since today is quite special he played a different song. A song that he composed himself and one that he only wanted for Bedivere to hear.

“That’s a really sad song,” Bedivere sobbed, he wouldn’t normally cry like this but for some reason he couldn’t stop the tears from coming as he listened. “Yet it’s strange how soothing it is. A new composition of yours?” he noted

“Yes.It's something I had composed just recently.” Tristan answered. He felt happy at the fact that he was able to make him move to tears, after all it was song that was conveying his unsaid feelings towards Bedivere. “It’s a song of a coward man who was unable to profess his love until the end.”

Upon hearing those word Bedivere’s expression turned gloom. “Tristan I-”

Before he could say the rest Tristan placed his fingers on his lips to stop him from talking. Bedivere gave him a sad look, hurt and pain and pain was so visible in his eyes that he could almost hear him scream.

He could only give him a conflicted smile in return. Tristan didn’t want to make him wear such expression, he never did but if he had to say those words then he felt as if everything will truly end. “You’ve always tell me how much you love me. I know you didn’t deserve this and it’s very selfish of me to not say anything until the end but if we ever meet again please let me say those words to you properly.”

Bedivere’s eyes widened for a few seconds until his expression softened in resignation with the tears welling in his eyes finally falling down to his cheeks.

He pulled back his hand when Bedivere finally nodded. Tristan was glad that he understood what kind of hope he had placed on that promise. A hope that the two of them can desperately cling on.

“You’re really cruel.” Bedivere force a light laughed but it sounded more like a sob with his sniffing.

Tristan wrapped around his arms in his trembling frame, letting him cry on his shoulder “I’m sorry.” he whispered softly, not realizing the tears that was falling down on his face. This was surprisingly harder for him than slowly dying from poison.

They stayed still like that for minutes, not wanting to be separated from each other. Memorizing each others warmth and the rhythm of their hearts.

“That song…” Bedivere breath hitched as he spoke “Can you keep playing it for me until it's time… so that I would never forget.”

Tristan nuzzled his cheek at the side of Bedivere’s head that was leaning on his shoulder. “Of course.”

With only the sof melody of the harp resounding in that silence. They sat there with Bedivere holding him close from behind, his arms wrapped around his waist and Tristan was leaning his back against his chest, not minding the uncomfortable position nor the wetness in his shoulder from Bedivere’s tears.

That song was the closest thing thing he could give him to let him know that he loves Bedivere as much as he loves him and more.

Even though it was a promise without assurance, a part of Tristan just knew that this separation would only be temporary. He knew that one day he’d be able to say those words of love to him. After all no matter what he does he’d always find himself coming back to him without fail.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Like the part one of this series.
> 
> The first chapter will be their reincarnated interaction while the second chapter will be their time at Chaldea


End file.
